I knew Ghana was culturally different from Oregon, but I never really thought about the way it would make me feel, or how I would react when confronted with these distinctions. Last Monday, my coworkers and I gathered in an office to celebrate someone’s birthday. We were standing around, eating pizza and drinking soda, when someone asked me about the prevalence of the LGBTQ community in Oregon. “Here we go,” I thought to myself. Because in Ghana, it is illegal to be homosexual. It’s punishable by up to three years in prison. On the other hand, Oregon is a fairly progressive state with a large LGBTQ community. Our governor is the first openly bisexual governor in U.S. history. My coworker asked me if it was common for people to be gay and I told him that it was.

The look on his face was one I had never seen before.

When talking about these subjects, I’ve noticed a variety of reactions. I’ve seen a glimmer of disapproval shining in a person’s eyes and behind their pursed lips, I’ve seen indifference, I’ve seen unease with the unfamiliar. But this look was something else entirely, and it took me aback. it was a moment of cognitive dissonance for me, because I’ve always liked this person. He was amicable and we have had discussions about the ways our countries vary in the past. All he said was: In Africa people look down on such things. I know, I replied. And that was that.

But did I have an obligation to step up to the plate to defend the rights of others? Or was it better just to exist in mutual disagreement? I’m not sure. I was trying to be respectful of the views in a place where I was a foreigner, and an outsider, but I missed an opportunity to inspire understanding and openness.

Mostly, it was a new experience for me entirely, because I’ve never encountered someone so openly oppositional to the LGBTQ community. I’ve seen it on social media, yes, but not really in my daily life. And not from someone I’ve become acquainted with. It was unsettling to see the hate that I did. But I guess all I can say now is: To my LGBTQ friends, I love and support you.