By Nahla Bendefaa

I am a stubbornly independent woman whose mobility and independence have been slowly restricted over the last 18 months. The occasional leg cramp has turned into constant pain, tremors, and cramps in all four limbs that remain unchanged and without a proper diagnosis. When I applied for the Media in Ghana program, I wasn’t blind to the reality of my situation. If anything, it has made me seek out treatment and answers more aggressively. It has also pushed me to rethink what I consider to be independence.

Living with chronic pain has made me swallow my pride and accept help more times than I ever have before. For me, help is facing the fact that for the past six months, I need a mobility aid at all times.

Help is a kindness to myself in accepting that I can’t lecture while standing up for a full two hours.

Help is asking my doctor for a disabled parking pass, after months of telling myself I’m not sick enough to need one.

Today, as I embark on the first leg of my journey to Ghana, help is finding the courage to ask for a wheelchair to navigate one of the largest airports in the world. Help is recognizing that walking across multiple terminals with my luggage is an unfathomable task right now.

The voice that says I’m not sick enough for this is still here. But it’s quieter. It is eclipsed by a new mantra. Whatever I need to lead a “normal life” (whatever that is) is fair game.

While a diagnosis and proper treatment would help immensely in this endeavor, I am months away from the soonest doctors’ appointments I could schedule. So, for now, I focus on using my mobility aid and asking for help without judging myself for rethinking and redefining what it means for me to be a stubbornly independent woman.